Concussing three crows with one stone (cause' killing two is primeval)
by Radioactivesnail
Summary: One idiot, two idiots, three idiots, Tsukishima counts. There are many more idiots, but those are the three giving him a headache at the moment. Wherein Tsuki is not denser than Hinata, and hence is far too aware that Kageyama is hopelessly in love with (and in denial about) the cute little shrimp, and to his dismay his Yamaguchi is apparently just as dense.
1. Chapter 1

Yamaguchi had always thought that, contrary to popular belief, Tsukishima had a pretty high EQ.

After all, he was the one that had said loudly to Yamaguchi after their first practice at Karasuno, "Hm, how long do you think the Cap and Vice have been dating?", with a smirk at Yamaguchi's loud 'EEH' of disbelief and the gurgling sounds of Suga choking on air behind them.

(Whether it was worth having Daichi smile very hard at them and ask them how they knew was another matter.)

He was also the one who complained about Nishinoya 'needing to get over his fucking boyfriend' long before Asahi had actually returned (body and spirit, that is), and Nishinoya had tackled him to the ground, hands wrapped around his neck, sobbing totally manly tears of joy into the giant's chest.

("Wow Tsukki," Yamaguchi had said, watching a flustered, blushing Asahi try to calm Nishinoya down. "How did you know?"

"People don't get that upset unless they were dating." Tsuki had replied with a sniff of disdain.

"Wow Tsukki." Yamaguchi was awestuck.

(As usual.))

So when they one day overheard Hinata complaining to Tanaka about how Kageyama was ignoring him but telling him nothing was wrong, and Tsukishima had scoffed out the word "dense", Yamaguchi knew.

About forty percent.

"Tsuki… So…. Kageyama….. Hinata?"

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at his friend.

"Of course," he said with a pretty little evil smile. "The King is so obvious it's going to make me cry."

"Ah." Yamaguchi said, and he knew if he were in a manga, he would probably have three lines running down his face. He tried to nod knowingly, because it certainly hadn't been obvious to him, and wouldn't that make him dense too?

Aah, Tsuki surely wouldn't want a dense friend…

And while he was fretting, he did not notice his Tsukki giving him a sidelong glare before looking away, muttering "dense" under his breath.

[A/N: I'm 1000% sure that, much to his own chagrin, Tsukishima is usually one of the first to notice any budding romances around him, since he's smart and all (cough unlike the rest of the cute dummies cough). Do leave a review if you like this! I wanna talk to you guyssss

Originally posted on my AO3!]


	2. Chapter 2

[Edit: Added some stuff that were removed because they were links Like Astrology dot com and my tumblr!]

Tsukishima is a Libra, and according to Astrology dot com, Libras are one of the most social star signs. Yamaguchi feels a little proud of himself when he reads this; he _knew_ Tsukishima had a high EQ. (He ignores the fact that he had once decided never to believe in horoscopes, since he was _not_ a manipulative sex maniac (that only has 74% compatibility with Libras.))

And after his 'sociable' Tsukki opened his eyes to the Kage-Hina Situation, one could compare it to an experience with that one duck/rabbit picture. At the beginning, it looks resolutely like a fucking duck, but once it is pointed out to you that look, it's a rabbit too, it's quite impossible to _stop noticing it's a rabbitduck every time you see the picture._

And you find yourself wondering, well, how could I not have noticed from the beginning?

That Kageyama was not only constantly looking out for Hinata, he was constantly looking at Hinata.

Arguably, he had to do it during volleyball practice since he _did_ have to know where Hinata was to toss to him, but it was hardly necessary to watch someone when they were changing in the locker rooms.

That was slightly creepy, and Yamaguchi suddenly realised he'd found the answer to why Tsukki disliked changing in the locker room. It wasn't much of the worry of being ogled at; it was obvious Kageyama only had eyes for Hinata. But rather, it was impossible to not just know Kageyama was (seemingly subconsciously) watching Hinata, and after a while it started to feel like he was intruding on something private.

"Aah! Tsukki! It's all your fault!" Yamaguchi had burst out, pulling his hair in frustration one day. Tsukishima arced an eyebrow. "I can't unsee it now that I know!"

Tsukishima blinked twice, then lowered his brow and pulled his face into one of vaguely irritated long-suffering.

"I know," he said, rolling his eyes so hard his head lolled along with it. "For someone with so much energy, the King has no guts. People with crushes need to just ask them out for everyone's sake, I can't stand all the staring and pining, it's pathetic."

Yamaguchi noticed Tsukki was wearing his spare glasses that day; they sat more loosely on Tsukki's ears than his usual (identical) pair. No wonder he had to copy notes from him today…

It took a while for Yamaguchi to realise that Tsukishima was looking at him pointedly, left eyebrow arced again.

"A-ah, yeah, he really needs to ask Hinata out, it's getting really awkward, isn't it!" he said.

Only to have his Tsukki look away with a slight 'tch', and Yamaguchi caught the word "dense" again.

"Yeah, Hinata's really dense not to notice too, huh... E-eh Tsukki? Wait up! Sorry Tsukki did I say something wrong? W-wait for me! Tsukkiii you left your pencil!"

* * *

[AN: oh look I just discovered linebreaks.

Yamaguchi is a Scorpio! And I hence automatically love him (being a supposedly manipulative sex maniac myself (Disclaimer: I'm not)). Anyway, fun facts! Kageyama is a Sagittarius, who are known to be diligent workaholics; Sagittarius is sometimes known as the Scholar of the signs. Hinata is born on a cusp date, and has mixed characteristics between Gemini and Cancer, signs which are known for their expressiveness and being very emotional respectively.

Whelp I have a tumblr, talk to me okay! You can prompt me if you want (but ehehe love goes both ways you know) I'm a very lonely person ): (all my friends refuse to watch Haikyuu until it's over, but that's in liKE 13 WEEKS?) Vagrant-vitality My tumblr!]


	3. Chapter 3

Tsukishima had been oddly nice to Hinata, and nobody knew what to feel.

Daichi thought he ought to feel relieved that, finally, at least _some_ of the first years seemed to be getting along. Yet he could not help but glare suspiciously at the blonde every time he was being a little _too_ nice to Hinata. Call it a Father's Instinct, but something was probably very wrong.

("Maa, maa, Daichi-san," Tsukishima had drawled one fine day (while spiking for Hinata so the latter could practice receives) when he'd noticed his captain's glare. "Better not let Suga-san see you staring at me like that…"

As Suga peered over curiously, Daichi smiled at Tsukishima, which thankfully still had the ability to make his junior blanch and shut up.)

All Suga knows is that relief is the _last_ thing he ought to be feeling (since a Mother's Instinct is usually more failsafe than a Father's one). Sudden changes in personality were worrisome in any situation, and this situation wherein the team's resident snark king decided to _stop_ being the snark king towards a single target was enough to make Suga's hair grey (oh wait).

("Suga-san, frowning so much is going to give you wrinkles," Tsukishima says mid-spike. "It'll just complete your look as a grandm- "

He stops mid-sentence, to Suga's amusement, as a volleyball slams hard into the back of his blond head. Amidst Yamaguchi's concerned 'Tsukki!'s, Suga heard Kageyama growl with barely suppressed irk.

"Oh, sorry, I thought I was supposed to be practicing with Hinata.")

Kageyama did not know what Tsukishima was thinking, and he hence could not decide what to feel. Should he be worried, or angry (or jealous)? The rational side of him (the side that told him where to toss so that the volleyball would meet with the highest point of a spiker's spike) told him Tsukishima _knew_, and was screwing with him. But the irrational side (the side that told him it was fine to put B for all thirty multiple choices in an exam because then at least he would get a _few_ right) whispered that _maybe_ he should feel threatened because _maybe_ the orange haired idiot was more popular than he thought.

("Ah I thought it was suspicious," Hinata told Kageyama, squinting suspiciously at his straw so he looked slightly cross eyed. "But I guess since I have one more person to practice receives with, it's okay?"

Kageyama envied Hinata's nonchalance as the latter shrugged and moved on to chatter about how much homework he had.

"Yo, Hinata," Tsukishima said as he walked past with Yamaguchi on his tail. It was clear from the hurt look on Yamaguchi's face that the blonde had broken off a conversation just to say hi.)

Yamaguchi did not know what to feel, but definitely knew what he _felt._ He felt like crying. Just a little. Ah but he knew Tsukki would like someone _eventually_. Attempting to look on the bright side, he supposed that, at least, he finally knew what kind of person Tsukki likes. He knew he would have to resign to Tsukishima getting a girlfriend someday, and he supposed this wasn't all too different. He still felt the heavy resignation.

(Nishinoya and Tanaka, too, did not know what to feel, since being the morons they are, they've yet to notice anything was amiss.)

Honestly, the only one who knew precisely what to feel was Tsukishima, and he was pleased at the general confusion. Although he had a nagging feeling something (someone) was a little off the way he intended his plan to unfold...

[A/N: Eh, I'm usually very against the use of Japanese suffixes in fics, but in this case, it kinda suits Tsukki more to be extra polite when he's mocking people (coughseniorscough), so I decided to use suffixes on and off…. Sorry if it seems kinda inconsistent. Anyway, advert time, asphodelwinter at tumblr; I'm starting a writing blog! It's a fetus but whelp.]


	4. Chapter 4

He supposed he really _should _have expected Yamaguchi to give up.

("Eh? What is it Tsukki? Has the cake gone sour?"

"No," said Tsukishima, flicking soggy fries onto his friend's tray with his shortcake-stained fork.)

Tsukishima had considered the possiblity that his friend _might_ get possessive. Pout his lips, cross his arms, _yell_… It wasn't all that impossible, Tsukishima had reasoned. After all, Yamaguchi got possessive when Kuroo started calling him Tsukki.

And when Kuroo started getting _touchy_ with him.

_Especially_ when that _bastard_ started getting touchy with him.

Heck, Yamaguchi even _hugged_ him once. Hugged him. He blanched and apologised for it after that when his, and only his, Tsukki had stiffened up (at the sudden, but not altogether unwelcome, invasion of his privacy. Not disgust as Yamaguchi must have thought).

The blonde scoffed. And he was dense enough to think he, _his _Tsukishima, couldn't have noticed.

("Mm? What's so funny?" said Yamaguchi, suddenly looking very self-conscious, wiping at his face with a napkin.

"Nothing," said Tsukishima.

(Tsukishima didn't see Yamaguchi's gaze linger, lips pout and shoulders slump as the former went back to his shortcake (and his thoughts of the said Yamaguchi).)

Then again, getting possessive would be quite unlike the Yamaguchi he knew. Meek, obliging, apologetic Yamaguchi. It was just a possibility.

A far likelier outcome, one Tsukishma had been counting on, would be Yamaguchi distancing himself from him. It seemed just like him, Tsukishima had thought, to immediately put himself down in the face of an apparent rival. He would probably feel himself a burden, like he was getting in his Tsukki's way of getting what he wanted, and force himself to stop being around him as much.

Tch, Hinata, that shorty. Why would Tsukishima _like_ him? The King and him make a lovely, stupid couple.

In any case, Tsukishima would have known exactly what to do. Yamaguchi clung onto his every word, every action. The subtlest gestures would have sufficed. 'Remembering' to look for Yamaguchi for lunch (as though he'd ever forget). Making sure they went home together. Remembering his favourite drink.

He might have continued acting like he liked Hinata while being nicer to Yamaguchi. Just to fuck around with Yamaguchi. That would have been fun.

Then he might begin to buy him lunches, or ask him for dinner.

Slowly but steadily allow Yamaguchi to _doubt_ their whole relationship, until he snapped, or slipped, and somehow confessed (Tsukishima imagined it would be an accident, a slip of the tongue in a moment's frustation).

Ah, if only things _had_ gone to plan.

Yet, Yamaguchi did what Tsukishima had least expected.

He acted as though _nothing were going on_.

When he went out of his way to greet Hinata, Yamaguchi simply tagged along and cheerily said hi too. When he set for Hinata to spike (much to Kageyama's chagrin), Yamaguchi practiced with Enoshita.

He continued looking for Tsukishima every lunch break, continued asking him if they wanted to go home together (despite it having been their tradition since _middle school_), continued asking if he felt like shortcake every Wednesday.

Which, of course, Tsukishima couldn't refuse.

Ah, if only things had gone to plan.

A café was perfect to set plan-hint-subtly-at-Yamaguchi into motion. There were a million cheesy things he could do. He could help wipe a milk moustache off Yamaguchi's face. He could tuck that floppy brown hair behind his ears for him.

He could -

"Is the shortcake nice here, Tsukki?"

"Yeah, try some," Tsukishima said, and fed Yamaguchi some off his own fork.

Before blinking.

He hadn't meant to do that.

Yamaguchi had frozen too, eyes wide with realization, shortcake eaten off his Tsukki's fork (which was still hovering in the air) still in his mouth.

Yamaguchi blanched retrospectively as Tsukishima paid special attention to going back to eating his shortcake as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

[[A/N: I will not lie, I am really bad at updating regularly, and it took me really long to get this chapter out. I have hence also decided I need to end this soon (or I never will), so likely the next chapter will be the last! Thanks a bunch for all the love so far :,)]]


	5. Chapter 5

Something had to give, Tsukishima built it that way. A little pushing in Kageyama's direction, a bit of pulling in (_that little idiot_) Yamaguchi's direction. At one point, one thing or another would surely snap. If Yamaguchi caved first, Tsukishima wins, and he could care less about the possessive plight the poor King was in.

If Kageyama caved first, well, a rejection was impossible since Hinata's burning desire to rise to the top hand-in-hand with Kageyama was literal. In such a scenario, Tsukishima would gladly put up with yet _another_ team couple for the fact that it would undoubtedly dominos onto his own dark-haired, freckled, _too-damn-calm_problem.

Tsukishima stared at the blackboard, brows creased in concentration, and let the sound of the teacher's voice wash over him.

The snap had happened.

_The snap had happened._

During one of the previous week's training sessions, Tsukishima had, almost out of desperation, _actually helped Hinata brush his hair out of his eyes_. In full view of the King, no less (and thus endangering his life). He could _feel_ Kageyama bristling like a porcupine as he stormed over to smack the hair back into Hinata's eyes, but Tsukishima was too caught up in how Yamaguchi barely batted an eyelid and a mildly scorching disappointment.

That day, their trumpcard duo had gotten into a yelling match worse than any they've seen, and Kageyama had straight out kissed Hinata.

("I know Kings always do things their way," Tsukishima had scoffed. "But who would have thought he'd be _that_ impulsive."

Yamaguchi still looked a little shellshocked from their setter's sudden display of affection, but he laughed.

"Aah, but it's great isn't it! I- I mean, that they're finally past, erm, pining," Yamaguchi finished meekly, giving him a strange, wide-eyed look that he could not place.

Tsukishima gave a non-committal jerk of his head.)

That was a whole week ago. It was now Wednesday, Yamaguchi had still asked him if he wanted to go eat shortcake after class, and-

Basically the only part of the plan that _had_ gone to plan was the part that frankly, he did not give a shit about.

The school bell jerked him rather unkindly out of his reverie, and Yamaguchi was suddenly at his table, grinning.

"Let's go to that new café we tried the other day," Tsukishima said.

"Mm, sure Tsukki!"

And before long, they were seated at the café, Tsukishima stabbing at Yamaguchi's crunchy fries as he waited for his shortcake.

"So, those two are together now," he said casually.

"Haha, I guess so!" Yamaguchi grinned, and he had that strange look in his eyes again.

"Hmph, who would have thought he'd have the guts.

"Aw come on, Tsukki!"

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. You know that feeling when you leave your house for the day, and you're _sure_ you forgot something but for the life of you you _cannot_ rememeber what you forgot? Tsukishima was experiencing that disconcerting _off-ness_. Something about that reaction didn't quite fit.

He settled for a confused look.

Yamaguchi _actually had the NERVE to giggle._

"You were worried about them affecting the team, right? That's why you had to make Kageyama jealous so that he'd confess?" Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Or at least, that's what Suga-san told me!"

Tsukishima actually felt a strain in his forehead from raising the eyebrow.

Affecting the team? _Blatant lies_, how _dare_ that grey haired -

"… Suga?" he said instead.

"Mm, I thought you were acting a bit weird, so I asked him."

"Oh."

That strange look was _pride_. Yamaguchi was _proud_ that he had managed to get Hinata and Kageyama together.

"Haha, only I think you weren't doing it for the team," Yamaguchi said.

Tsukishima listened intently.

"You probably did it because you got annoyed at how Kageyama was being so stubborn right!"

Ah. At least his shortcake finally came to cushion his letdown.

"Yeah, he's such an idiot."

"Oh, Tsukki, is that the same cake from that time?"

"Yeah, want some?"

And he fed Yamaguchi some from his own fork. The latter flushed a pretty pink.

"Haha T-Tsukki, you don't have to be so nice to me, I don't have anyone pining after me to get jealous after all!"

"You do."

_Shit._

_Shit shit shit._

And that was how Tsukishima accidentally confessed to Yamaguchi.

[A/N: ANDDDD THATS FINALLY THE FINALE! I am so sorry it took so long, thank you Chemical Cat for reminding me to upload this! It's actually been posted on my AO3 account for some time now but I completely forgot about posting it here imsosorry. But whew after OVER A YEAR WOW this trashy 2000over word fic is finally done, thanks so much for the support! Really hope you liked it and I hope to find the motivation to write more and contribute to this fandom of adorbs. Speaking of which, if you have any story requests or prompts, please PM me/review! I've been itching to write with little inspiration.

EDIT: Well that was embarrassing thank you animangadeek and guest for telling me the chapter uploaded as a bunch of code gunk.]


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